After seeing the movie, How to Be Single, with some of my girlfriends, I realized how much that movie hit home. There really are different versions of being “single”. Some women are so focused on being single for the sake of their career that they lose out on the great things in front of them. Ironically, they lose themselves similar to the women that lose themselves once they are in a relationship. I’m the later of the two myself. Being a professional people pleaser, I haven’t quite mastered finding a relationship that compliments me instead of makes me sell my soul to the devil. I tend to become a “them” instead of a “me”. It seemed like I was forever doomed to sink in quicksand with the inability to find my feet, let alone my voice.
Luckily, as time passes, I find myself finding firm ground more often than not. I understand my worth and have finally learned to tell others who want to take advantage of me what I want, what I need, what I expect and exactly what I will and will not accept!
Does this tendency to become lost come from being so in love with the thought of being in love? Or is it more convenient to have someone in your life than to have to do everything yourself, because you don’t have the self-esteem or confidence in yourself? Or is it because some women just don’t really have a clue who they are to begin with? Frankly, I haven’t figured it out yet. All I can say is that I do try to stay true to myself. But how can you be true to yourself if you don’t know who you are?
There are two things to keep in mind.
First, get to know what it is you believe and what you value. Set those up as truths for you. Live according to those standards. You never want to live in regret by doing things that go against the true you. Maybe you intend to remain a virgin until the day you get married despite the hazing that may happen. Maybe you say no to drugs, or you stick to a two drink maximum because you know your limits. Maybe you spend a few years dancing like a video vamp, but refuse total nudity even if it cost you jobs. Staying true to you is the first step.
Second, being single is an opportunity to figure out the “you” part of you. Stepping outside of your comfort zone, trying something new, and putting yourself out there to meet new friends is a part of finding that “you” that might be missing. Maybe it’s as simple as making new friends at work and having them help you find yourself, too. Maybe it’s just getting comfortable with sleeping in the middle of the bed, or not worrying if you will be unable to fix something that breaks. Maybe it’s having date night with yourself to find out that you really can survive the evening without any scars. Either way, it’s your journey to take. And no one can tell you that you aren’t worth it or don’t deserve it. So what do you say? Are you ready to go exploring?