. “When it rains, it pours”, has always been an understatement in my life. And although I have learned many survival tricks of the trade along my life, sometimes even an expert will still fall from the ledge from time to time. The difference is that not everyone will admit it.
It started in about August of 2017. A then thirteen year old tried to ruin my reputation and life because I wasn’t one of the many that would let her get away with whatever she wanted. Now, my name is tied to a crime I didn’t commit and cannot remove it, because I did the right thing and tried to save her from herself. My feelings were completely dismissed by all involved. I was in a somewhat relationship that left me empty more often than not, because even blatantly confessing what I needed got me nowhere. I was targeted and attacked on a daily basis for being a decent human being, so in December I finally was able to escape. Black Beauty ended up needing much needed but unaffordable work done on her, and I totaled the loaner car, running into a cement barrier, followed by watching oncoming traffic come at me all the way to my destroyed bumper, angry that this would be how I would be taken out. As usual, it didn’t matter how hard I worked, studied, or was lacking of sleep, I couldn’t catch a break to save my life. I ended up adding an additional $1,000 to my forever tab of debt for totally the car, and I lost the battle with the moving company to pay for the damage they caused during my escape.
My mother asked me to keep the faith, but the faith in me was long gone at this point. Mama bear reminded me that I had been through much worse, and logically I knew this to be true. However, it sure didn’t “feel” that way. Much like Princess Poppy, I found myself on my knees, drained of life, happiness, and color. And worst of all, it felt like someone had kidnapped Chasing Stormi and buried her alive. I had nothing left to give. I could no longer Shake It Off.
My friends were too busy with their own lives to be able to take time to help pull me from this constant hot mess of a personal storm. No one could help me anymore. I was once again left to sink or swim.
But I had sunk several times in my life. I had also swum amazingly in those small pockets of “the calm before the storm”, and I knew I had a choice. So how was I going to resurrect a dead girl? Without making a Zombie of course….
When you find yourself this lost for this long, it’s important to know that it’s not going to happen overnight. Like anything else, it’s a process. For it to be a successful process, you have to do it right the first time. It was time to start from scratch…
1. Move. During this dreary winter, I needed Vitamin D more than anything. But there is none to have currently in Kansas. So I walk when I can. I dance around in my living room. I clean house. Anything. Just move….
2. Divide and conquer. You can never take on the world and have the ability to be successful at the same time. Yes, bills are stacking up that I most likely won’t be able to pay when they are due, but looking at the whole picture only brings on more stress and anxiety. You must divide your list, look at which bills are due that week, and do your best to meet them by their deadline.
3. Sing. To battle the PTSD of driving in bad weather, I have resorted to turning on my Spotify and belting out to a really good tune. It distracts the need to cry hysterically or throw up.
4. Do Something For You. Even though I had no money, I went to the movies anyway, and I couldn’t have been more thankful. Yes, I will pay for it later, but it was needed and that is all.
5. Get Uncomfortable. I applied for something that scares the heck out of me, but we can’t live our lives in constant fear of what could go wrong. The worst that will happen is that I will get turned down, and lord knows there’s been plenty of that happening in my life that I was already a pro at hearing “no”. And yet, it never seems to stop me either….HA!
So yes, whether they admit it or not, even the experts fall from time to time when monsoon season arrives for 6 months straight. I can honestly say that I currently feel like I only have color back to my ankles so far, but Chasing Stormi has gotten untied and ungagged, and is preparing to dig herself out of the grave life thought it could put her in. So in the meantime, I’m sticking to the small things to help her along the way.
And the best part is that she won’t be a zombie. In all reality, she’s simply going back to replacing one. Because we are Storm Chasers, and surviving is all we know how to do.
We all have personal storms that we face. Some big, some small, and some in between. Here are some of my personal storms. Are you ready to run with me?....