I had gone through summer school before; however, this was a more challenging summer semester. I was trying to conquer accounting which has always been a subject that I have struggled with. Business Law was actually interesting, but I spent my whole 4th of July weekend missing family and friends as I continued to try and tackle 11 very long chapters, and I did an internship that wasn’t the growing experience it was supposed to be. How the heck did my friends who had families, worked full-time, and attended school full-time stay sane while getting their BA, MA, or even Doctrine? Granted, I typically work a minimum of 45-50 hours a week in a very stressful setting, but I was only going part-time and I was still dying! I’ll admit that next semester scares me even more because I will have to bump it up to three classes, and I’m not sure I am truly capable. School is harder with medication to slow this ADHD brain down, and they help to make it impossible to truly remember anything. Anxiety fills my mind with the fear that people will expect me to be an expert right out of the gate once I have that piece of paper that says I know what I’m doing. I’m just not 22 anymore. I really do require some sleep. I felt like I was drowning and didn’t know which end was up!
Then a good friend reminded me of something that I always seem to forget. She said, “Breathe….Life is stressful. It always will be. We will never be able to remove all anxiety and stress completely.” We just have to get used to being “uncomfortable” like we do with our adventures.
School is scary, especially as an adult going down an unpredictable path. However, I’m lucky enough to have all my friends and Storm Chasers to help me push through when times are tough and dance with me when final grades come in, and I’m a semester closer. This has been a challenge that has brought excitement, anxiety, and even tears, but that’s what makes life worth living.
Although I don’t get to see Nana as much as I would like, her encouraging phone conversations put my heart at ease. She never misses the opportunity to tell me how proud she is of me which is only a small reason why I love her so much. I have seen no friends really, but they make sure to keep me posted, send me encouragement, and make me laugh when I’m frustrated. Love is beyond the size of space. It surrounds you by putting people in your path to remind you that it exists every day. Even people that you never thought would be in your life again and yet are here and starting fresh making life a little nicer in general.