The Golden Girls taught us early on that you are never too old to make the best girlfriends in the world that would see you through any storm. The theme song reminded us to always remember to tell them, “Thank You for Being a Friend”. Later, of course, came the storm chasing women of Sex in the City that taught us that even in the big apple, you were still capable of finding the kind of friends that would last you a lifetime. Now The Bold Type is reminding us that even during our craziest times in our early twenties, our friends still give us the support we need to survive our windiest of days.
You see, everyone has different degrees of friendships with the people in their lives. There are the occasional networking buddies that are good for a quick pinch. There are friends that we lose touch with due to life getting in the way, but we can always pick up the phone no matter how long it has been and pick up right where you left off. There are friends that come over to emergency pet sit and fill your kitchen with food because they know you won’t be able to even do that once you return. There are friends that will inspire you to challenge yourself even when you are too scared to do it for yourself. There are friends that you can laugh about your dating adventures with and they won’t judge you for the choices you make, but rather cheer you on because that’s what you need most sometimes. There are friends that will bail you out of jail with no questions, and bring the shovel to help you hide the body. There are friends that will give you the needed hug and let you sob your eyes out without questions or judgements, and simply ask who they need to put on their hit list. There are friends that help you job search without even being asked because they want to see you succeed. There are even friends that will dare to disagree with you knowing you need another point of view to see. There are friends that will show up with clothes to help you get through your walk of shame before work. There are friends that will make you double over in pain from laughing so hard. There are friends that will simply hand you that much needed drink. There are friends that would do anything for you. There are friends that fall into more than one of these categories.
Regardless of the degree of your friendship, July 30th is International Friendship Day. So whether you talked to them 5 seconds ago, or haven’t spoken in years, let’s give our friends the credit that they are due for putting up with all of our shenanigans and remember to tell them, “Thank you for being a friend”.
Sometimes we have to put more faith in the Universal Intelligence, but we also need to put more faith in ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the single life. There’s nothing wrong with being in a loving relationship. We cannot live in fear that the personal storms founded by old habits will cause us to lose who we truly are just because we move from one status to another. Life is forever changing. The only true issue is doing something the same way and expecting a different result. That’s simply the definition of insanity, and we are Storm Chaser who always conquers our personal storms.
However, in order to do so successfully we have to be flexible and open to change. So have faith in yourself without assuming the worst. Easier said than done, I know for a fact. But sometimes it’s as simple as allowing yourself to have some sprinkles on your vanilla ice cream, because sprinkles always add color in a million different possible ways. The end result is always more enjoyable, even though it may not be able to last for an eternity. But allowing you true bliss even if there’s no guarantee how long it will last is always worth it. So please, allow yourself to be happy. Don’t forget the sprinkles!
When it comes to independence, I’m the type of gal who likes to prove how independent I am (this likely comes from the fact that I’m 20 years old but still). I do not like depending on other people. I need to know that whatever happens in anyone else’s life, I take care of myself. I hate seeing lovely and strong women feeling less than that because somebody decided to leave their life. These are women who have all the tools at their disposal to take care of themselves, but instead allow someone else to do it for them. I don’t care how much you love someone, if you do not have a handle on your personal affairs, you are not independent.
Which is fine! I never want to say that someone else’s lifestyle doesn’t work because I don’t think it does. However, this month is about fostering independence in yourself, and as we all strive to become classy women, part of that is knowing you are the only one handling your business.
My suggestion to the ladies reading this? Take a couple minutes out of your day and write down everything logical that you need taken care of (whether you’ve handled it or not): bills, groceries, cleaning, any health issues, broken things around the house, beauty, hair, and skin care (yes I did phrase it that way just so it would rhyme), etc. That all needs to be handled before you can be happy.
Happiness is so important!! If you are not happy in your life, something is wrong. We all deserve to have light in our lives and part of that comes from releasing the pressure of not needing to owe anybody anything. If there is anything on that list that someone else is taking care of for you on a consistent basis
- because God knows everyone needs help sometimes - find one little way today to put it back in your control.
Not everyone is as much of a control freak as I am, I’m aware of that, but knowing that I can take care of myself fully, without needing anyone, releases me from feeling desperate and stressed and allows me to fully enjoy my own life.
Classiness is when a woman has everything to flaunt, but chooses not to show it. I believe that also applies to healthy independence. If you have a handle on all your personal issues, you have space in your life to open up to anything else you feel you are lacking: love, friendship, travel, culture, education, anything. Why would you let someone else have that control over you when you are fully capable of
doing it yourself? Because I promise that you are.
**If someone is telling you that you are not capable, kick that asshole to the curb using your best boots because you are powerful, you are strong, you are independent.**
Only once you have a grasp on your personal necessities can you truly begin to enjoy the life that has been given to you. So get creative and stay classy.
In the summer, all I have to do is step outside and my curls turn into a frizzy mess. Frizz, with curly or straight hair, affects so many of us. Why frizz? A lack of moisture in your hair can cause the follicles to “lift up” and give your hair a halo of fuzz. Too much moisture can leave your hair a flat and oily mess.
Check your shampoo and conditioner. Are you getting enough moisture from those? If you’ve been using the same product in the shower and you are still experiencing less than smooth hair, it might be time to change. It can take some hits and misses to find the products that work best. I recommend trying travel sizes or going to your stylist for free samples so that you can really find what works for you. Also, switch up how you use your shampoo and conditioner. If your hair is on the sensitive side, shampooing every other day but conditioning daily can help your hair stay both clean and smooth. If you’ve only been washing your hair every other day and have frizz, it might be time to scrub your hair daily. Whether your hair is curly or straight, or somewhere in between, make sure that you work your conditioner through your hair fully and work out any knots slowly with your fingers. NEVER break a snarl or knot with a brush or comb. Broken hair is frizzy hair.
Your after-shower routine is also incredibly important for the health of your hair. With curls, a vigorous towel dry, followed by a thorough finger combing, not brushing, can go a long way to combating unruly frizz. Towel drying and brushing straight hair ONLY WHILE WET is also recommended. If you want your hair dryer, faster, a light mousse or moisturizing spray can protect your hair from the heat of the dryer or the curling iron. Always blow dry your hair from the roots, and if you really want to avoid split ends, leave them a little damp. If your roots are dry, the rest of your hair will dry quickly.
All this morning preparation doesn’t always prepare your hair for a full day, and there is nothing like looking in the mirror mid-afternoon and seeing a hair metal band member staring back. For a quick soothing refresher, an inexpensive and easy fix is children’s detangler. It’s lightweight and can help you avoid an oily look, the other side of frizz. With straight hair, a few spritz of detangler and a light brushing will smooth your locks without weighing them down. If you have curly hair, finger combing the detangler through will give your curls definition and shine, with no frizz. After using the detangler, you can always add a little bit more of your styling product to refresh your poppin’ look.
Frizzy hair can be vanquished with patience and moisture, giving you smooth and shiny locks to turn heads wherever you go.
Independent. That is a word I have always used to describe myself. From the time I could say the word, it has been important to take care of myself.
To me, independence always meant financial independence.
Recently, though, I have realized that independence is about so much more than money. In fact, I think the money is the least important part of it.
Today, I see independence as being in control of my life. It means owning my time, being my own authority, making decisions that impact all aspects of life.
I want all of that control.
And I want all women to have that control over their own lives.
How does it happen?
I believe this kind of independence happens by being your own boss.
That may seem contrary to the traditional wisdom that independence comes from an IRA and savings account. Owning a business is too risky. It might fail.
I think it’s the opposite. I think working for other people, helping them reach their dreams instead of following your own is too risky.
I remember the days of my boss watching the clock to track the number of hours I worked rather than the quality of the work I produced. I remember spending hours in the car commuting, too tired when I got home to have a life. I remember the men with families who made more for doing less just because they had a family to support. I remember a VP telling my about his holiday trip to Tahiti knowing that I’d be working that entire holiday weekend.
No thank you. Life is too short.
I have been a business owner for 15 years, and I will never go back. I think business ownership gives women complete freedom and control over their lives. When you are your own boss:
In short, you are in control of your destiny.
I believe that if the thought of owning your own business has ever crossed your mind, then go for it.
Starting a business does not need to be all or nothing—you can significantly reduce the risk by going slow. My advice to create a solid business that gives you the independence you crave is to get your foundation set before you jump in full time.
Doing these three things will reduce the risk and increase the reward.
And, of course, have fun while your planning your career revolution. Because a big piece of independence is the pure fun it opens up for you in your life.
“Let’s talk about sex baby,” as the popular 90s group, Salt-N-Pepper, would say. Well, your inner sex goddess that is. Now before you roll your eyes and give up on me, hear me out…What if I told you there was a safe, hidden gem in downtown Kansas City that probably hasn’t crossed your radar that helps you find your inner sex goddess in 60 minutes or less?
“Who says I need that?” you might ask, and I will you tell. EVERY empowering woman that walks this earth needs this! Whether you want to admit it or not. Believe me, I get it. You, like the rest of the planet is sexed out. As a marketing expert the age old tale remains true to today. Sex sells. With the human race being beaten by gold fish around the world to have the attention span of only eight seconds, companies have to throw all they’ve got at us just to get noticed. However, in the process, we’re overloaded and over the concept of being sexy all together.
Adolescents aren’t exactly helping the cause these days either. Despite what one might say, you’re not a prude for noticing that napkins cover laps more than most of the dresses and shorts worn these days. Looking up to the Kardashians, and shows such as Sweet 16 and wanting so bad to escape actual work in order to be famous on YouTube would drive any parent to their wits ends.
However, despite all of that, we must remember that sex, particularly our inner sex goddess, is what calms the chaos of the life around us. It gives us the empowerment to know that we are better than all of this, and can strive to help others achieve the same. This is why I absolutely LOVE Pole Worx in Kansas City. Despite their website needing work, and the original advertising giving the misleading perception that they were call girls for rent, Pole Worx is actually quite the opposite. Like everyone else, their original marketing plan was to just get noticed, but they’re working on changing that to help people see their true mission: To help women get into shape in a way that empowers like no other!
I mean, seriously. Have you ever seen the body of an exotic dancer up close? Their muscle tone is off the charts, with abs and a tush that make everyone drool with envy! It takes great strength to be able to hold yourself up, let alone do all the swinging and tricks with so much grace and class. So why go and spend hours bored to death while lifting weights, when you can let your hair down, learn some super sexy moves, and get the same result while working out with other women and having a great time? Your inner sex goddess will shower you with empowerment of thankfulness, as she takes off your bifocals, gets rid of the library bun, and shakes off the dust on her dancing shoes!
The best part is you get to have the time of your life with no ogling or judgement. It doesn’t matter if you cannot achieve all of the moves within the first few weeks. The only goal of Pole Worx is to keep you moving and having a great time. You will sweat, there’s no doubt about that! You will find your muscles tone themselves to perfection without much thought, mostly because you will be having way too much fun to notice. You will be eager to see the ladies again. The variety of classes will have you learning all sorts of new tricks and keep the world around you guessing to what you will accomplish next! Although we are guilty of judging books by their covers constantly, I encourage you to come join me in having the time of your life! The empowerment and confidence you will gain in 60 minutes or less can’t be beat. So what do you say? Ready to let that inner sex goddess of yours out to play?....
There is an old saying from where I don’t know; I just know it changed my life.
“No is a complete sentence.”
Another old saying was a little outside my comfort zone, but well worth pushing through.
“When you stop pleasing people, people stop being pleased.”
When I first heard that statement, my heart literally froze. The thought that I would be making people unhappy—that I wouldn’t be seen as nice—was the worst possible thing I could image. I was completely comfortable putting my needs aside to keep everyone around me happy. In fact, I was so good at it that I didn’t even know what I wanted. And that was a huge problem.
No was not in my vocabulary, let alone a complete sentence.
As a result, I was unhappy, restless, unfulfilled and angry all the time. But I couldn’t have told you what would fix it. I was completely out of touch with my needs. That showed up in my life as:
· dating men who thought to call me once a month was too much commitment,
· saying yes to working every holiday weekend because I was single and, you know, didn’t have a family, and
· smiling and proclaiming I really didn’t mind when my friends blew me off for something better to do.
I was the flexible friend/girlfriend/sister, the easy going one, the one who ALWAYS said “sure” and “no problem.”
That attitude was slowly killing me. I had very little joy in my life. I was insanely stressed out. In fact, I was so stressed that I developed some pretty serious health problems. My doctor’s prescribed cure was to quit my job.
Click here to download the free issue of Style, Class, & a little bit of Sass to read the rest of Susan's great tips on how to stop being a people pleaser along with other great tips!
“Classy” is this term where you know it when you see it, but it’s difficult to define, let alone attain. And for most of us, being considered classy is one of the highest compliments you can receive. But why? A quick “classy woman” Google search brought up articles like “How to Spot a Classy Lady (Men, Take Notice)”, “The Classy Girl’s Guide to Be More Attractive to Men”, “Classy not Trashy”, etc.
**Side Opinion: men should not be this important to us. I mean really. Women have got to stop being so concerned with men and their opinions. Class is so much more than what other people think of you.** But what exactly is it? Definitions from Merriam-Webster gave the incredibly specific: “having or reflecting high standards of personal behavior.” Helpful. The beauty of class lies in the fact that it seems unattainable, that it can’t be defined and is therefore only something to strive for but never truly become. I personally think that’s untrue, and the evolution of class supports my statement. So let’s take it all the way back to the beginning - 1891. *cue laugh track* ‘Classy’ is a spinoff of ‘class’, which Oxford Dictionary says is derived from the Latin word for ‘fleet’ or ‘division.’ **Side note - saying that something is classy is actually quite classist, as it was reserved as a descriptor for “the classes” (the rich and educated) vs. “the masses” (everyone else).** ‘Ghetto’ and ‘trashy’ are generally used to describe someone or something which is lower class, whereas ‘classy’ is the opposite. The word wasn’t common in the United States until 1901, on Broadway in W. Clyde Fitch’s The Climbers, a story about American socialites at the dawn of the 20th century. In the popular - and damning - novel The Metropolis by Upton Sinclair about the lifestyles of New York’s rich and obnoxious, the aristocrats are described as “exceedingly classy.” From then on, classy began appearing in advertisements, and there was a significant increase in the usage from 1910 to 1920. Nothing changed for awhile after that; even a 1989 New York Times headline says “Suddenly, Pork Rinds are Classy Crunch” because George H. W. Bush, someone of authority with perceived sophistication, happened to enjoy pork rinds.
A 90s SoCal lifestyle magazine that targeted the average affluent businessman featured ads seeking - or posted from - classy women. From the 90s onward, the definition of class starts getting wishy-washy. As language changes with the people, it began to be used ironically, to be sarcastic, and in that, I believe, is where it lost its meaning. However, the word has retained its power in most crowds, even through Donald Trump’s overuse (seriously just Google “Trump classy” and laugh) and the general attitude of a society where the language is sarcasm.
Click here to download the free issue of Style, Class, & a little bit of Sass to read the rest of Ysabella's great view point of what class means to us today along with other great tips!
It’s Monday morning at 6 am - do you know where your work outfit is? Or how about the shoes to go with your power suit? And don’t even ask about the accessories - you have worn the same pair of gold hoop earrings for the last three weeks, not because you love them but because it’s the only pair of earrings you can find. If any of these workplace fashion scenarios resonate with you, keep on reading!
We have been told for a long time to pick our outfit out before we go to bed to alleviate the morning rush, and that is still a fantastic recommendation. However, if you have a closet full of clothes that are not work ready, the choice can be overwhelming! Perhaps you have that dress jacket that needs to be dry cleaned (although you NEVER make it to the dry cleaners), the sweater that you love but it has a big pull in the threads, and even those pants that used to fit right but haven’t been flattering since last year. These items are obstacles to your morning success, even if you did not realize it!
The way to calm the chaos of your mornings is to develop a capsule wardrobe. The idea of a capsule wardrobe was first introduced in the 1970s, and it is a group of 15-40 pieces of clothing that can be mixed and matched to create multiple outfits. This capsule wardrobe is an idea that is applicable to both your work wardrobe and your casual wardrobe. The idea here is versatility!
Now if you are low key freaking out right now about paring down your closet, consider this: aren’t there already a few key pieces that you wear over and over again? I am 100% confident that your answer would be yes! I would also guess that there are several items in your closet that you bought that you meant to return after you tried them on, or you wore them a few times and it just didn’t feel right on your body. No shame in this game, we all have had that experience.
For me, I am a plus sized gal. The thing that always trips me up when I am purchasing clothes is the arms! God bless my grandma, but I inherited her “bat wings” as we used to call them. I love all my curves but these arm flaps are just too much sometimes, especially when it comes to finding flattering tops, t-shirts, and sweaters. I cannot tell you how many items I have tried on and then put back on the rack because they were too tight around my arms. Now that I have started to rely on online shopping for additions to my wardrobe, I am still encountering the same issue. However, I have also mistakenly just kept some of these items, and never worn them. That clutter is mentally draining, and it also reminds me of what I dislike most about my body, I know it’s time to embrace the comfort of the items I most enjoy wearing while streamlining the offerings in my closet.
Click here to download the free issue of Style, Class, & a little bit of Sass to read the rest of Melissa's great tips to calming the chaos of your wardrobe and other great tips!
Being a woman is such a magical experience, isn’t it? We have intuition and instincts that can shake this planet. We inspire response to our presence wherever we go. We are tenacious and beautiful and gifted with earth shattering talents and abilities. And therein lies the rub, I think. We nurture, we care, we give and we give. We have to fight for yourself to take priority, as we get so busy with the sharing of ourselves, we can somehow find ourselves completely frazzled in the midst of it all.
Chaotic, this women’s life is! Kids to dance or football practice, relationships to nurture, chores like laundry and grocery shopping. And that doesn’t even include our need to shine our light in this world via our work, our careers, our purpose driven passionate endeavors.
How then, do we accomplish this day in and day out? With a smile on our faces and in our hearts? (well, mostly)
I’m a mother, an actress, a writer, a director, a producer. I also enjoy painting, photography, and taking long baths. As I write this, my washer chimes in the background, it’s time to transfer the load to the dryer. There’s reality for you! I’m also preparing for a weekend in Los Angeles, where a film I’m in is premiering - yes, that means red carpet appearance. I can’t remember the last time I did a full makeup regime, or my hair wasn’t thrown into a quick ponytail. I work from home, so these things tend to take the back seat to everything else.
I created, produced and starred as the lead character in my TV Show a few years back. I remember (mostly) working on set upwards of 12 hours, then coming home to my family, who needed me to be present for them.
On just one of those days, I had to fire a crew member for touching a woman inappropriately, my investor showed up and insisted I give her all my attention to answer questions - totally reasonable, except that meant I didn’t get to eat that day and was still shooting 6 more dialogue heavy scenes - there were wardrobe issues to turn anyone’s hair grey, one of our makeup girls was perpetually late and needed to be let go, and I received news that we were short on funds. There’s a day for you. Yes, they were all like that. For 28 days straight. Somehow, I came out the other side.
Click here to download the free issue of Style, Class, & a little bit of Sass to read the rest of Jewelle's great tips on how to stop the chaos in your life along with other great tips!